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| | Ratzenberger elected new Pope |
 | | As a consolation, Benedict was told that should Clavin, who turned fifty-eight, just four days after John Paul’s death, die in his lifetime, or for any other reason be unable to fulfill his duties as the representative of God on earth, the popedom would be his. |
 | | Now that Cliff Clavin is the Pope, having unleashed dogs on rural routes is destined to become a mortal sin. |
 | | Clavin, the first ever American pope, has expressed no interest in being anything more than a figurehead, letting the Cardinals handle all Church business, including approximately 27,469 outstanding charges of child abuse. |
| www.utterpants.co.uk /news/world/cliffpope.html (1009 words) |
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