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Topic: Jack Handey

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	Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
		Hey, where am I? -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey If I was the head of a country that lost a war, and I had to sign a peace treaty, just as I was signing I'd glance over the treaty and then suddenly act surprised.
		I guess she went to try to find some mayonnaise for me. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey Despair is like a cable that is buried just under the surface of the ground.
		-- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey Too bad you can't just grab a tree by the very tip-top and bend it clear over the ground and then let her fly, because I bet you'd be amazed at all the stuff that comes flying out.
	www.msu.edu /~olexsymi/jack.htm (11442 words)

	Jack Handey - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
		Jack Handey (born 25 February 1949) is an American humorist.
		Handey was born in San Antonio, Texas in 1949.
		As of 2002, Jack Handey lives with his wife Marta in the Chelsea neighborhood of Manhattan, New York City.
	en.wikipedia.org /wiki/Jack_Handey (734 words)

	A Wise Man Once Said.... Jack Handey
		Handey was born in San Antonio, Texas on February 25, 1949.
		Handey's earliest writing job was for a newspaper, the San Antonion Express-News, but he lost the job, in his words, after writing "an article that offended local car dealerships." His first comic writing was with comedian and fellow Texan Steve Martin.
		For several years Handey worked on other television projects — the Canadian sketch series Bizarre in 1980; the 1980 TV special Steve Martin: Comedy is Not Pretty; and The New Show in 1984.
	www.sweetpaul.com /wise_man_said/jackhandey.php (310 words)

	[No title] (Site not responding. Last check: 2007-11-06)
		DEEP THOUGHTS By: Jack Handey Marta was watching the football game with me when she said, "You know, most of these sports are based on the idea of one group protecting its territory from invasion by another group." "Yeah," I said, trying not to laugh.
		DEEP THOUGHTS By: Jack Handey I bet for an Indian, shooting an old fat pioneer woman in the back with an arrow, and she fires her shotgun into the ground as she falls over, is like the top thing you can do.
		DEEP THOUGHTS By: Jack Handey When I heard that trees grow a new "ring" for each year they live, I thought, we humans are kind of like that: we grow a new layer of skin each year, and after many years we are thick and unwieldy from all our skin layers.
	www.hoagy.org /anon/deepthts.txt (13777 words)

	Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy - Quotes by the SNL Legend, Jack Handey
		Handey's profound thoughts read aloud by a calm voice with text scrolling over a soothing nature scene.
		On SNL you'd get one Jack Handey quote a week if you were lucky.
		Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy.com, its operators, and any images and quotes contained on this site relating to "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey" are not authorized by Mr.
	www.deepthoughtsbyjackhandy.com (495 words)

	Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
		Hey, where am I? -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey If I was the head of a country that lost a war, and I had to sign a peace treaty, just as I was signing I'd glance over the treaty and then suddenly act surprised.
		-- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something.
		-- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey When I heard that trees grow a new "ring" for each year they live, I thought, we humans are kind of like that: we grow a new layer of skin each year, and after many years we are thick and unwieldy from all of our skin layers.
	www.cashen.com /html/deep_thoughts.html (12335 words)

	Jack Handey Deep Thoughts (Site not responding. Last check: 2007-11-06)
		As an admirer of Jack Handey, just in case this is a valid request, I will respect his wishes and have taken down the material in question.
		Jack, if you happen to read this, I have nothing but admiration for your work and sense of humor.
		I represent Jack Handey, who is the author and copyright owner of a body of written work known collectively as Deep Thoughts.
	www.funny2.com /handey.htm (232 words)

	Amazon.ca: Deep Thoughts: Books: Jack Handey (Site not responding. Last check: 2007-11-06)
		Funniest things I've ever read were authored by Jack Handey.
		Jack Handey is a skillful hilarious man. I recommend this book along with his many others.
		Jack Handey hits the spot with his witty and outspoken humor.
	www.amazon.ca /Deep-Thoughts-Jack-Handey/dp/0425133656 (751 words)

	Amazon.de: Fuzzy Memories: English Books: Jack Handey (Site not responding. Last check: 2007-11-06)
		Jack Handey (his real name) is back with a pseudo-brilliant collection of delightfully funny semi-philosophical quotations.
		Whether you saw his words of infantile wisdom on NBC's series "Saturday Night Live" or had a list of his sidesplitting quotes sent to you by email from a colleague, you're in for a treat with this latest set.
		Some of them are short and straight to the point but others go on for three pages and in true Handey style, you never know quite where he's going with them.
	www.amazon.de /Fuzzy-Memories-Jack-Handey/dp/0836210409 (459 words)

	Korean Job Discussion Forums :: View topic - Deep thoughts... by jack handey
		Reading the Jack Handey site, good thing to do on a night before some random Tuesday off.
		I bet Handey could come up with something funny in regards to random Tuesdays off and why they're so much worse than Mondays or Fridays....
		Jack Handey used to be one of my favorite parts of SNL.
	www.eslcafe.com /forums/korea/viewtopic.php?t=36413 (664 words)

	Jack Handey Quotes
		28 Quotes for 'Jack Handey' in the Database.
		Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.
		All Quotes are provided for educational purposes only and contributed by users.
	www.worldofquotes.com /author/Jack-Handey/1 (976 words)

	Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey (a.k.a. Jack Handy)
		With nearly 500,000 copies sold of his previous collections, Deep Thoughts and Deeper Thoughts, philosophizing funnyman Jack Handey once again combines soul searching with rib tickling.
		Jack Handey digs deeper into his past, and, to the delight of his millions of fans, more of his humor is coming to the surface.
		With Fuzzy Memories, Handey shares his preposterous stories from his improbable past, once again putting him in a league of his own.
	www.hutchville.com /jack_handey.shtml (6494 words)

	Quotes by Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts] . Read Quotations of Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts] (Site not responding. Last check: 2007-11-06)
		QuoteWorld :: Authors :: Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
		View Biography of Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts] on www.s9.com
		Browse Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts] quotes by category:
	www.quoteworld.org /authors/jack_handey__deep_thoughts_ (701 words)

	Dropzone.com Skydive Forums: Community: The Bonfire: Jack Handey
		Dropzone.com Skydive Forums: Community: The Bonfire: Jack Handey
		"If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming." -Deep thoughts by Jack Handey.
		And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it." -Deep thoughts by Jack Handey
	www.dropzone.com /forum/Community_C7/The_Bonfire_F1/Jack_Handey_P97352 (271 words)

	Humor:Jack Handey Quotes - Literary Quotes About Humor:Jack Handey and Practically Everything Else
		Humor:Jack Handey Quotes - Literary Quotes About Humor:Jack Handey and Practically Everything Else
		Have you ever seen a child, on his way to school, have a car drive past and splash him, and then he just stands there and thinks if he should just go to school or go home and change and be late...
		If you are ever skydiving, and your parachute fails, and your friends are all watching youu fall, I think a good gag would be to pretend you're swimming.
	quotes.prolix.nu /Humor/Jack_Handey (3214 words)

	McSweeney's Internet Tendency: The Legend of Me.
		This is the part of the legend that hurts my feelings the most, because I think they're talking about my singing.
		Some stories claim that if you confront me during my midnight walks and chant, "Jack Handey, Jack Handey, give me some candy," I will give you some candy.
		I am said to prey upon young lovers, and that if I look into a bedroom window and see them having sex I will stand there and watch with my red, flaming eyes.
	www.mcsweeneys.net /2005/10/31handey.html (2869 words)

	Jack Handey
		Discuss this name with other users on IMDb message board for Jack Handey
		Find where Jack Handey is credited alongside another name
		You may report errors and omissions on this page to the IMDb database managers.
	www.imdb.com /name/nm0359532 (355 words)

	Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey (Site not responding. Last check: 2007-11-06)
		One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with a wooden stake.
		A new Ebook CDrom edition of JACK HANDEY'S FUZZY MEMORIES is now available, which contains NEW memories PLUS full Audio and Video of Jack's Home Movies in Jack's own voice!
		Buy the new Ebook CDrom edition of JACK HANDEY'S FUZZY MEMORIES
	www.lovedungeon.net /humor/misc/deep.html (1304 words)

	Deep Thoughts: Jack Handey SNL Quotes » Netscape.com
		Deep Thoughts: Jack Handey SNL Quotes » Netscape.com
		Television – If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.
		Just wait 'till you see the transformation of Marcie & Peppermint Patty!
	www.netscape.com /story/2006/11/15/deep-thoughts-jack-handey-snl-quotes (147 words)

	Amazon.com: Deep Thoughts: Books: Jack Handey (Site not responding. Last check: 2007-11-06)
		Join Amazon Prime and ship Two-Day for free and Overnight for $3.99.
		by Jack Handey (Author) "It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man..." (more)
		Buy this book with DEEPER THOUGHTS: ALL NEW, ALL CRISPY by Jack Handey today!
	www.amazon.com /Deep-Thoughts-Jack-Handey/dp/0425133656 (292 words)

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