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Popeye the Sailor Man - Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia |
 | | Popeye the Sailor Man (born July 4th, 1257, in Bristol, Massachusetts) was a cartoon character made during the Great Shit Epidemic to get people through some rough times. |
 | | However, it is an established fact nowadays that while being raped by his stepfather, a sailor and fisher who wanted Popeye to inherit the family business, Popeye found Colonel Sanders as his personal lord and savior, and was reformed to a born-again christian at the age of six. |
 | | Popeye's doctor was also able to attribute Popeye's muffled, "mumbling" speech to several strokes that he must have suffered throughout the course of his life and commented that he was lucky to be walking and talking at all. |
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